Thru Peru

Yesterday, while at San Jose market, I stopped by a pharmacy and bought one serving of San Pedro Cactus powder (approximately 30 grams) and did some reading/researching about what to expect.  Some of the resources I reviewed are as follows:

https://mapsofthemind.com/2017/02/19/guide-taking-san-pedro-peru/

http://anotherplanetperu.org/mystical-tours/san-pedro-cactus/

https://medium.com/@jerrytoth/diy-mescaline-how-to-explore-san-pedro-without-a-guide-ba74e852b455

I woke up at 6AM and walked over to the Qenko ruins.  I ingested the San Pedro at 7:17AM and the recap of the experience is below:

Trip notes are below (my post-recap thoughts in red):

7:17 arrived and ingested half of the San Pedro dose

7:28 found a nice seat on plat form on meditating on my reasons for trying San Pedro and also meditating on my breath and being present

• Overcoming addiction/tendencies to: Unhealthy food (fast food, animal based foods, fried food), Porn (and objectifying women), Judging other people all around me (and thereby also judging myself), escapism/distraction (not being present and escaping into work, my computer, long walks, etc), technology (social media, Wsj news alerts, smartphones)
• Social anxiety/self-conscious (become very anxious in social situations and feeling like everyone is always judging me harshly)
• I want to let go of the past negative experiences in my life and any hate or negative feelings toward other people
• Dissolve preconceptions (about problems or situations in my life) and elicit fresh perspectives on reality
• Enhance creativity and think outside the box
• Strengthening interpersonal bonds
• Need direction with finding meaningful work
• Let go of resentment and pain from past and current friendships, family and relationships
• Restrictive thoughts about money when in certain negotiating situations
• Solidifying my intent to stick to a plant based diet
• Being present and meditating

8am:  finished the remaining San Pedro while listening to brave

8:15-8:30 Met a cool runner from Ottawa and had a nice conversation and referred him to templo de Luna

9:00 very attuned to the sounds of birds and also the much more distant sounds of civilization

All of the addictions and tendencies are unproductive and harmful forms of escape.  What am I escaping from?  A false narrative that I know I’m lying to myself with.  I tell myself that I’m different and better than everyone else, that I’m a gifted real estate investor, that I’m a gifted writer, that I’m a gifted endurance athlete.  This is an image of myself that I live with 24 hours per day.  However, deep down I know that I’m not different than anyone else and shouldn’t feel superior or different in any way.  Instead of having a ego and separating myself from everyone else, the truth is that we’re all one.  All life on this planet is one.  (this sounds cliche and I still feel pretty sober).  We’re all just here as living matter on this earth and should do our best to coexist and help each other out and love each other.  Don’t judge or fabricate narratives in your mind as to why you’re better or different in any way than any other living thing (other human beings or dogs or cows).  We’re much more similar and intertwined than our ego would want us to think we are.

9:30

Self confidence should come from knowing that you’re a living being with unlimited potential and are part of this grand universe.  It shouldn’t come from your past successes/accomplishments or how you see yourself relative to other people.

Humans are not the “best” or even “most sophisticated” form of life. Other animals are faster, stronger, can procreate more quickly, can make nicer natural sounds/communications, do less damage to the environment, take better care of themselves, etc.  Persians, Jews, Americans, Los Angelenos, adventurers, and real estate investors are also not “best” or “most sophisticated”.  We are all part of the universe, part of life in this universe.  Everything else that we tell ourselves about other places, living things, and people is ego, false divisions, and narrative that isn’t conducive to happiness.

More than a Persian, Jewish, American, Los Angeles native, backpacker, adventurer, real estate investor, I’m a living inhabitant of this universe. At my core, I’m one with this universe and all other things.   (I don’t even need to prove myself wrong by pointing out ways in which other species, cultures, etc are better or worse.  That’s irrelevant and is further strengthening the divisions between all in the universe and all life)

When thinking of adventures or past experiences, a good perspective is “that was a wonderful special experience.  I’m so grateful to have experienced that.”  An incorrect perspective (conscious or subconscious) is using that experience as a way to make myself feel better about my value, my worth, where I am on my path, etc.

Don’t fall into the egos deception of making it seem like a good idea to put labels on myself or other people.  Decide to live with love, unity, gratitude, appreciation, joy, presence, acceptance, and ego-free mind.

10am:  I’m a bit nauseous. I also just noticed that I’m completely surrounded by small white flowers and yellow flowers and many other tall grasses.  A few hours ago, this was just “walking grass” to me.

All divisions are harmful (or at the least they are manifestations of the ego).

Everything in this universe has a purpose, meaning that there is some way that they can either directly or indirectly make the world better, more complete, more compassionate.  Just like it sometimes may be difficult to know the purpose of a specific animal or any other living thing, trust that it is there and it will make you more compassionate.

Always choose the “love perspective.” Perspectives aren’t true or false, but they can help understand the world in a healthier better way

10:15.   Feeling that everything that has happened to me in my life has had a purpose and has been for a very important, positive reason.   It has either needed to make me more compassionate, more introspective, more protective/cautious of my own interests, etc.

I shouldn’t be threatened (by other people or by my own harsh judgment) that I am an amateur or doing things wrong when it comes to anything.  Be kind to myself

10:30 leave area and walk toward tempos de Luna

Associate with people who live with mindsets Of love, gratitude, unity, non-judgment, happiness, etc and don’t let their sense of ego dictate their lives.  It’s only so helpful to cultivate this mindset for myself, when the people around me are living in a much more negative mindset.

There are things that I do that bring me closer to other people and there are other things that separate me:

• Things that bring me closer to other people
  • Refraining from judging people (especially in negative ways)
  • Gratitude
  • Not entertaining the egos thoughts of superiority, inferiority, comparisons
  • Appreciation of the intrinsic connection that all living things have
  • Complimenting/appreciating (even if it’s just in my head)
  • Being present and living in the moment
  • Generosity
  • Immersing myself in social situations
• Things that separate me from other people or push me into solitude
  • Giving in to my addictions
  • Judging people
  • Jealousy
  • Criticizing, complaining, and noticing lack
  • Living/dwelling in the past (whether positive or negative)
  • Comparing myself to other people
  • Stingy/cheap
  • Isolating myself physically

11am-12:  had an avocado and banana and continued walking through temples Lo Luna’s and surrounding archaeological sites

12:00 slowly getting back into nature and meditating.  I can still feel the banana and avocado in my stomach (possibly in the form of nausea) but at the same time I barely even remember the taste of them.  How often in life and I just doing things because I feel like I’m supposed to be doing them and going through the Motions rather than living consciously in hyper-present awareness and enjoying every sensation.  I should make an effort to eat with full consciousness. (using mind and body at different times to make the best decisions).  If I was eating with full consciousness I definitely would not have devoured a banana and avocado within the span a few minutes.  Maybe I would only enjoyed the banana and spent 30 mins on just that.

This might be a good way to address dietary paranoia and anxiety.  If something feels right to eat (consciously and spiritually speaking), it most likely is right for me.  And if it’s a little unhealthy, I can live with it as long as it seems consciously/spiritually right.  This mindset can also be used to confront my other addictions head on.

I feel like the deeper I breathe and the more present I am, the more I’m enjoying this experience.  It’s fully possible to escape the San Pedro trip by eating, walking, and distracting oneself

12:15. I noticed the sound of a stream while meditating and walked about 50 feet to a small peaceful stream.  (Was I ignoring this stream for the past 15 minutes before I started meditating? Seems like it)

There is peace to be found in every moment.  Our job is to find that peace.  It’s easy to find it when you’re sitting along a stream surrounded by beautiful nature in Cuzco, but it might not be that easy when you’re working.  It’s always important to find and hold onto the peace and calmness and perfection in every moment.

Never let anyone or anything (whether past events or distractions or work or other people) take away at all from the peace in the present moment.  It’s too valuable to be sacrificed for the relatively worthless past and other people’s potentially misunderstood (or at least definitely not fully understood) actions or thoughts.

I should conduct brief meditations (even for a few seconds) throughout the day and especially when it comes to making decisions about diet, sex/porn, judgments, etc.  Meditations are glimpses of truth and clarity as long as we decide to tap into them.  How can we ever allow ourselves to make decisions if we are not in this meditative, truthful state?  The chances are too high we would be making bad decisions that are inspired by escapism, short term pleasure at the expense of long term pleasure, and our egos defense mechanisms.

12:40 walking around nature in the stream area and taking deep breaths trying to extract all the lessons I can from this experience

1:30. Very hungry and thirsty.  Going to continue following the road down

Incas (and present day indigenous) lived in nature and were much attuned to their environmental impact.  They knew that the land would be around much longer than they would.  This knowledge is evident in their building and lifestyle.  Nowadays, we don’t live along natural rivers and it’s much easier for us to forget how everything we do or eat or throw away has a direct impact on nature.  It’s sad that we have lost that respect and direct relationship with nature.

1:45.  We need to take much better care of our environment and nature.  The earth was not made for us to exploit, destroy, or use without regard to future generations.  Taking care of nature should be something that any reasonable person who’s in tune with nature and experiences nature firsthand can agree on.  Most of us are reasonable nowadays, but huge parts of society are disconnected (intellectually and financially) from how the way we’re living is affecting nature.  Perhaps the saddest part of this is how everyone has been brought along for the ride whether they asked for it or not.  Everyone is now expected to take buses around, sell plastic water bottles, and work in this machine that’s taking us further and further away from nature.  Nowadays, nature is an afterthought.  What comes first is what humans think they want/need.  For example, If we want to see Machu Picchu to check it off our bucket list, we will fly to Peru, demand comfortable accommodations, and (indirectly) demand that the environment and Peru and the ways of life of the locals of Peru be turned upside down so that we can visit Machu Pichu.  The individual indigenous locals don’t get much of a say in anything.  Their landscapes are altered and they have no choice but to sell plastic water bottles and recycle/salvage the old buses that are left for no one to see.

(Perceived)Winners

• Corporations who are profiting by selling tourism and industrialized food
• Wealthy people who travel and experience pleasure
• Small % of Peruvians whose lifestyle benefits outweigh the costs to their landscape and way of life

(Real) Losers

• Large % of Locals who are living in poverty and whose landscapes have been altered
• Environment/nature (major loss for everyone in the world)

2:  why do I feel like a second class citizen WALKING along these archaeological sites? If you think about I should feel like a first class citizen because I’m in great shape and enjoying the scenery.  The problem is the poor infrastructure without any sidewalks.  Why does walking (the most natural way of moving) need to be synonymous with walking in gravel at the edge of the road and breathing in the exhaust from buses that drive by.  Walking and cycling infrastructure are two areas where we need a lot of investment/improvement.

2:15-2:30 chatting with Michelle and checking email

2:40.  There’s something very spiritual and positive about walking through inca ruins.  Their design and incorporation of natural materials shows that they understood and respected nature.  I feel like I’m in an oasis of historical respect for nature in a city and world that doesn’t have nearly as much respect.  It’s also nice to nature slowly and peacefully reclaiming the land.  The reclaiming of nature in the future is inevitable but I doubt it would be peaceful as what’s in front of me.

3:45 eating corn

7PM:  In life you can’t be too rigid, extreme, or inflexible.  As part of a society that is dependent on social connections and social agreements, you need to be able to maneuver through life with a balance of rigidity (when it comes to what’s non negotiable) and flexibility.  You can’t be too hard on yourself, but need to navigate this middle ground with compassion towards yourself.  I can’t take today’s lessons as a completely extreme new life direction, but I’m sure the lessons will be there for me to implement into my life in a way that is patient, sustainable, and will also fit into the social life, relationship-filled, and love-filled life I see myself living.

I can’t let constant deep thinking keep me out of present moment.  At the end of the day, life is happening in the present moment and I want/need to live in the present moment.

Think about the reasons to love any person I ever meet:

-each person has a life purpose ( a way in which they can add value and make the world better)

–

Takeaways from today’s experience:

• I have much more appreciation for native and indigenous cultures and their historical way of life.  I notice and appreciate their full embrace, love, and respect of nature, the environment and all living things
• There are no freebies when it comes to growth and self-development.  You have to be willing to be present and meditate in order to bear the full fruits of the San Pedro experience.  Although today was a great experience,  I probably didn’t bear the full fruits because I initially wasn’t aware of how important it is to be present in order to walk away with the most
• San Pedro attunes a person to the natural environment.  In some ways, this can be exciting, energizing, depressing, irritating, etc (all at the same time).  If you are not in a pristine natural environment, you may (as I did) become very critical of civilization and the impact that tourism and industrialization can have on a city and its environment
• San Pedro encourages feelings of love towards the environment and towards anything else (except in my experience civilization and the tourism industry).  Love (and its branches of acceptance, optimism, gratitude)  is a great perspective to maintain throughout day-to-day life
• In a way, the nausea that San Pedro provides is a blessing.  It makes it unattractive for participants to escape into pleasure and food, and forces participants to be extremely conscious of what they’re putting in their bodies.  After eating a banana and an avocado as my first meals of the day, I realized that even that may have been too much food too quickly.  This bodily and diet sensitivity is a blessing and nice break from unconsciously and emotionally stuffing our faces with food (like I did yesterday)
• Inner peace:  There is peace to be found in every moment.  Our job is to find that peace.  It’s easy to find it when you’re sitting along a stream surrounded by beautiful nature in Cuzco, but it might not be that easy when you’re working.  It’s always important to find and hold onto the peace and calmness and perfection in every moment.  Never let anyone or anything (whether past events or distractions or work or other people) take away at all from the peace in the present moment.  It’s too valuable to be sacrificed for the relatively worthless past and other people’s potentially misunderstood (or at least definitely not fully understood) actions or thoughts.
• I should conduct brief meditations (even for a few seconds) throughout the day and especially when it comes to making decisions about diet, sex/porn, judgments, business etc.  Meditations are glimpses of truth and clarity as long as we decide to tap into them.  How can we ever allow ourselves to make decisions if we are not in this meditative, truthful state?  The chances are too high we would be making bad decisions that are inspired by escapism, short term pleasure at the expense of long term pleasure, and our egos defense mechanisms.   Find out what’s guiding your desire:  fomo, emotions, greed, society’s routines, etc.  you should eat in order to nurture your body, stay healthy, and enjoy (within reasonable means)
• San Pedro has a way of taking difficult questions and providing simple answers that are spot on:
  • All of the addictions/tendencies I wanted to analyze and encounter during this experience are forms of escapism.  What am I trying to escape?  When I go to Tacomania and try to order the most disgusting thing on the menu or when I escape into porn, I’m mostly trying and failing to escape from negative feelings that are brought about by my ego and its work of comparing myself to other people, judging other people, and weaving an idea of who my ego wants me to be for it to feel as protected as possible.  Meditation and deep immersion in the present moment remove the tinted glasses of desire for escapism, and allow each and everyone one of us a glance at the truth and clarity
  • How to encounter and deal with the past (people, events, etc)?  The right mindset to have is one of love, appreciation, gratitude and understanding that everything in your past needing to be there for a very specific reason. It has either needed to make me more compassionate, more introspective, more protective/cautious of my own interests, etc
  • What is the mindset to have when it comes to interacting with other human beings and living creatures?
    • We’re all just here as living matter on this earth and should do our best to coexist and help each other out and love each other.  Don’t judge or fabricate narratives in your mind as to why you’re better or different in any way than any other living thing (other human beings or dogs or cows).  We’re much more similar and intertwined than our ego would want us to think we are.
    • Don’t fall into the egos deception of making it seem like a good idea to put labels on myself or other people.  Decide to live with love, unity, gratitude, appreciation, joy, presence, acceptance, and ego-free mind.
    • Everything in this universe has a purpose, meaning that there is some way that they can either directly or indirectly make the world better, more complete, more compassionate.  Just like it sometimes may be difficult to know the purpose of a specific animal or any other living thing, trust that it is there and it will make you more compassionate.  (mindset for non-judgment)
    • Associate with people who live with mindsets Of love, gratitude, unity, non-judgment, happiness, etc and don’t let their sense of ego dictate their lives.  It’s only so helpful to cultivate this mindset for myself, when the people around me are living in a much more negative mindset.
    • Things that bring me closer to other people
      • Refraining from judging people (especially in negative ways)
      • Gratitude
      • Not entertaining the egos thoughts of superiority, inferiority, comparisons
      • Appreciation of the intrinsic connection that all living things have
      • Complimenting/appreciating (even if it’s just in my head)
      • Being present and living in the moment
      • Generosity
      • Immersing myself in social situations
    • Things that separate me from other people or push me into solitude
      • Giving in to my addictions
      • Judging people
      • Jealousy
      • Criticizing, complaining, and noticing lack
      • Living/dwelling in the past (whether positive or negative)
      • Comparing myself to other people
      • Stingy/cheap
      • Isolating myself physically
  • What is my personal mindset to have? (Self esteem and self confidence)
    • Self confidence should come from knowing that you’re a living being with unlimited potential and are part of this grand universe.  It shouldn’t come from your past successes/accomplishments or how you see yourself relative to other people.
    • When thinking of adventures or past experiences, a good perspective is “that was a wonderful special experience.  I’m so grateful to have experienced that.”  An incorrect perspective (conscious or subconscious) is using that experience as a way to make myself feel better about my value, my worth, where I am on my path, etc.
• Make it a habit to meditate on a daily basis.  Meditation provides truth, clarity, living without your ego for a few minutes, and a very clear awareness of your thoughts
• Do your part to take care of the environment (eat less animal products, use reusable bottles, don’t litter, don’t buy things you don’t need, etc) (add a mental environmental tax to maintain the right perspective).  We are on this earth temporarily and should not damage, destroy, or exploit the earth, it’s inhabitants of its resources
• There are always unintended consequences when there are changes.  Keep in mind the environmental costs, standard of living changes for the entire population, health costs, etc
• Be aware and conscious of the story that ego is weaving. Is it building you or is it tearing you down? Although you should know your strengths so you can accomplish your purpose in life, you shouldn’t let your ego puff you up and tear you down by weaving this narrative that will only lead to jealousy, hate, and feelings of superiority that alienate yourself from other people
• Tips for interacting with other people:
  • Don’t judge people by placing labels on them due to their religion, physical traits, possessions, etc.  Get to know the person, their interests, their sense of humor, their choices, their intellect, and then make a decision regarding their character and how/if you’d like to further develop a relationship with them.  Especially in the beginning, try to give people benefit of the doubt (just like I would want them to give me
• Gratitude is a powerful tool.  You improve your mood and perspective, shift to an abundance mindset.  It should be part of my daily routine
• Always try to live with a love mindset rather than a fear mindset:
  • Love, patience, compassion, acceptance (rather than regret), gratitude, consciousness (even when dealing with parents and friends),
  • Think about five positive traits in everyone I know and people I just meet.  Train myself to see the good in everyone
• I feel like I already have all of the answers I currently need.  I’m only missing the conviction and determination and motivation to follow through